


In the Garden, After Dark

by anarchycox



Series: Anarchycox's 2019 Personal Writing Challenge [15]
Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Demons, Alternate Universe - Domestic, Alternate Universe - Meet Cute, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-18
Updated: 2019-04-18
Packaged: 2020-01-15 17:53:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18504061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anarchycox/pseuds/anarchycox
Summary: Eggsy maybe sorta accidentally summons a demon. Merlin is very happy to have been summoned.





	In the Garden, After Dark

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Eggsyobsessed](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eggsyobsessed/gifts).



“Bloody superstitious idiots,” Eggsy muttered well into his fourth beer. Why his mates weren’t willing to play with the ouija board he had found up in the attic, he had no idea. Bloody thing had Hasbro written on it, didn’t it? Everyone knew this stuff was bullshit. Have a bit of a laugh, make the board say ‘dick’ when Jamal asked a question, laugh some more the end. But no, apparently ‘you shouldn’t mess with that stuff on all hallow’s eve under a full moon.’

“You shouldn’t mess with your face under a full moon,” Eggsy said and opened another beer. He maybe hadn’t had enough to eat but he was fine. It was a nice night out, that full moon was all bright and stuff, so he grabbed the game board and his beer and went out to his tiny little table in the small garden his house had. Since getting the job as Harry’s assistant at Kingsman Tailor’s he had been able to save up enough to rent an actual house. Tiny and he got a bargain because maybe someone had once been murdered in it, but that was like 80 years ago, no dead body, he’d take the bargain.

He had been slowly getting furniture and discovering his personal decorating style, even put up the gross butterfly welcoming gift Harry had given him. He loved his tiny house with it’s 70s grandmum carpet. “Yeah, that’s right Jamal, the carpet is staying,” he said out loud. He would have shouted it at Jamal but his mates left to go clubbing and he had an early appointment at the shop, and look maybe he took his job seriously no matter what his friends joked.

Only he was restless and couldn’t sleep. He also grabbed his laptop and set some music on low to not disturb the neighbours. It was just a bit too dark to make out the letters on the board, but he remembered he had found candles with the board and went back in for the box. He had a lighter somewhere, he was sure. He found one in the junk drawer and brought them outside. There were faint wax marks on the board and he guessed setting the candles there made for optimum seeing the letters so he placed the five candles and lit them. Bit hard to use the placard thing with how they were laid out but the letters were clear.

“Right,” he put his two fingers on the wood with the glass eye. “Uh, hiya, oh spirits and demons of the night hear my call and answer. Anybody there?” He snickered to himself as he moved the placard to yes. Moved really easy. The wood just glided over the board. “You a spirit or a demon?” It stayed on yes. “Huh, okay then, must be a stupid demon if that was too hard a question for you.”

Eggsy frowned when the placard moved to F and then O. Table must be wobbly and made it move because he didn’t have enough pressure on it. “Besides F and O don’t even spell nothing. You so awesome, demon, why don’t you come here and show me. Come on then, show your face.”

Eggsy cursed as the placard somehow seemed to singe his fingers and he pulled them away and two of the candles fell over and soon the board was on fire. “Bugger,” Eggsy swore and ran into the house to get water.

When he came back out, all the spit dried up in his mouth. The board was on fire, but nothing else was, like the edge of the cheap material it was made from was containing it somehow. But that was fine. The demon crawling out from it, less so.

“It was made by Hasbro!” Eggsy shouted. He threw the bucket of water at the board and demon. “Get behind me satan,” he said and was rather annoyed that the demon laughed. “Oi, it works in movies, yeah?” He swung the bucket and hit the demon in the head. The bucket sort of melted and fizzled and he was mostly left with the handle. If he had the length of the bloody Game of Thrones books he couldn’t actually describe what the demon looked like. He had an absence of light to him and just was...Eggsy couldn’t find the words.

Black. Red. Gold.

Wings. Claws.

Bald.

“Be because the beer was off, please be because the beer was skunky,” Eggsy begged and then the demon was all the way through and there was no more fire. No more board. “Be a nightmare, be a nightmare,” Eggsy pleaded. “Go away.”

“You summoned me,” the voice said and it sound like he was chewing rocks. He cleared his throat and sulfur poured from his mouth. He held up three clawed fingers. The words that came out of his mouth hurt Eggsy’s ears and then the demon seemed to draw human skin to himself and it was gross as fuck but in a couple minutes the demon looked human.

Still bald.

“Hasbro,” Eggsy said faintly. “They made the don’t step in the unicorn poo game my sister plays.”

“Aye, Lucifer owns stock. Forget mary jane, monopoly is a gateway drug.” The demon looked at him. “Oh, isn’t your soul all shiny, just waiting to be corrupted. Let me corrupt you. It will feel soooo good, until it doesn’t. But don’t worry about that now. Now tell me why you...is that the Macbook?”

“Yeah?” Eggsy said.

“Oh excellent, I heard about them from the people in finance. Been trying to transfer there for two hundred years. Mind if I?”

The demon looked hopeful.

“Go nuts, everything is backed up,” Eggsy said faintly. He needed another beer. He stumbled into the house and grabbed a drink. He could call the filth, but he would sound insane. And same with Harry. He couldn’t tell anyone he summoned a demon from a kid’s game. He took the beer back outside and the demon was poking at his laptop. “Hey that is a work laptop, you break it you bought it.”

“Demon, don’t have money.”

“No but you have a Scottish accent?”

“Because I like it,” Merlin typed a little. “Hmmm, interesting. Does it connect to the Web that is World Wide?”

“Yeah?” Eggsy clicked on Chrome.

“Excellent, I was whipping this guy, there for altering pages about women on a thing called Wikipedia. That is a web thing, aye?”

“It’s an encyclopedia, sort of,” Eggsy said and went to it.

“The invention of those was a lovely thing. Is this science focused or the humanities?”

“Everything, wikipedia has pretty much all the information that can be found in the world.” Eggsy shivered at the look the demon gave him. “Wot?” He hiccuped and his head was swimming.

“I was there when Johnson created the first English dictionary. Decades of work. I touched the very first printing press ever. A bible made in a month. And you tell me on your little machine has access to all of knowledge ever.”

“Most people look at pictures of cats or porn.”

“Why so many of you end up in my department.”

“Really porn gets you sent to hell, seems a little harsh.” Eggsy thought of all the hours of porn he had watched.

“Only boring porn,” the demon replied. “The bondage and daddy stuff you like, is fine. You aren’t on the books for us as of yet. But I’m happy to change that for ye.”

“I cannot,” Eggsy decided. “I am way too drunk to keep running with this hallucination. Please be gone by morning.” He didn’t run to his bedroom, he didn’t have the coordination for that at the moment, but he put a hand on the wall and went to the bog and then his bedroom and passed out, sure the morning everything would be normal.

************************

“Wot the fuck did you do to my Macbook?” Eggsy stared in horror at his kitchen table. It was in pieces. Actual, honest to god pieces, with the demon in human skin humming to himself and poking at a circuit board. “Do you know how much that cost Harry?”

“No,” he replied. “Fascinating. Look at these tiny little bits that hold the world.”

“Technically the world is on servers? I think? I don’t know. Oh god, you are real. You are real and you fucked my laptop. It had my plans for a new window display.” Eggsy sat down and felt ill, unsure if it was the mild hangover, or you know, the demon sitting at his kitchen table.

A wave of his hand and the computer was completely back together and the demon put a cup of coffee in front of Eggsy. “Here ye go, lad. God is coffee good.”

“Can you just invoke god like that? You are a demon?” Eggsy groaned. “I am having a continued hallucination. Fuck me.”

“I can if you like, 14% of the time a human summons us, it is to be fucked by us. We are a small but specific monster kink. Our best sex demon left us a few decades ago, never came home. Miss him, we hung out a lot.”

“I...I have absolutely no response for that. Oh wait, I do. I AM NOT FUCKING A DEMON.”

“My human form isn’t that appalling, I didn’t think, but as you like,” Merlin put some bread on to toast. “Now then, haven’t been to London in a couple hundred years, what should I see first?”

“You are not going out to tourist and eat children.”

“Children taste gross,” Merlin made a face. “All your cannablist -”

“Stop, please stop right there,” Eggsy was pale. “I can’t. You need to go.”

“Of course, I said I was stepping out to see London.” He put the toast in front of Eggsy. “What should I bring home for dinner?”

“Nothing. I’m sending you back to hell.” Eggsy ran out into the garden, only the ouija board and candles were all gone. His face hardened and he went calmly back into the house and grabbed a fry pan. “Right. What did you do with the stuff?”

Merlin looked at him in surprise. “Nothing.”

“Bull fucking shit.” Eggsy threw the pan at him and his eyes widened as Merlin easily caught it. “You destroyed it.”

“I didn’t, I couldn’t. It was your summoning tool,” Merlin explained.

“HASBRO, IT WASN’T SUPPOSED TO SUMMON SHIT!” Eggsy was starting to flinch every time he said Hasbro.

“It didn’t, it summoned the best,” Merlin smiled at him. “Go on, get ready for work, and I see what I can figure out. I am fascinated by your oven.”

“Fascinate your way to a lasagna for me then,” Eggsy snapped and left the toast be and went upstairs to get changed. He stormed out of his house and went to work and Harry asked what was wrong, and he said hangover, which wasn’t a complete lie. He changed the windows and tried to lose himself to work, but his mind kept drifting to the demon in his house. Eggsy spent his lunch hour researching how to get rid of demons. Near as he could tell it was priest, or try what they did on the telly show Supernatural.

He went and bought a bunch of salt.

The returned it because he didn’t think they meant shaker salt.

When he got home it smelled amazing. He went into the kitchen and the demon was wearing an apron. Like an actual super frilly looked like it was from the fifties apron and pulling a lasagna out of the oven. “I was joking,” Eggsy said. Oh god, it smelled good.

“I haven’t had it before,” Merlin said. “Below, at work, I am sustained by the suffering and cruelty of man. It takes like sad packet oatmeal. You are full but never satisfied. So I googled. I like google. And you should clear your browser history more. Your affection for a particular porn star is clear.”

“Fuck you,” Eggsy flipped him off and grabbed a glass of water. No way was he drinking around the demon.

“I haven’t done that either, could be interesting.”

“Wot? Demons don’t fuck each other?” Eggsy looked at him. “Are you an ugly demon? I mean your demon form wasn’t exactly going to get me going, because well fire and brimstone, claws, but I’m sure there is a girl demon who’d shag you.”

“I like men,” he said. “Also, my name is Merlin.”

“Google that too?”

“Aye, eat before it gets cold.”

Eggsy automatically lifted a fork to his mouth and paused. “Wait, will eating the food offered by a demon send me straight to hell? Like in stories. The spring and stuff.” Merlin smiled and it was a sweet one. Eggsy’s brain momentarily couldn’t handle the disconnect that his brain said a demon had a sweet smile.

“You mean Hades and Persephone, a lovely tale that,” Merlin shook his head. “Just food, lad. Unless we strike a direct bargain you don’t have to worry about your soul.”

“Okay,” Eggsy took a bite and the noodle melted in his mouth, the sauce tangy, the meat perfect. “This is brilliant.”

“Excellent,” Merlin put a slice on his own plate as well and ate. “Fascinating.” He chewed some. “Yes, I like this. I will cook more Italian while I am here. There is an Italian man five blocks over. I’ll make cutlets out of him for us to try.”

Eggsy stared at his plate in horror and was ready to run to sick it all up when the bastard started laughing. “Not funny,” Eggsy pointed his fork at him. “Not even a little funny.” It was so good, he decided to risk it. “Really not people?”

“The work to debone a person when there is a grocery store around the corner with ground beef is not worth it. Cost/benefit, Eggsy, cost/benefit.” Merlin ate some more. “Oh, later when I have to shit, you have modern plumbing! Didn’t have that last time I was above and in human form. This will be an adventure.”

And Eggsy was done eating. He pushed the plate away. “And after that adventure, you’ll leave?”

Merlin shook his head. “Too much to explore in this world.”

“Well, then happy exploring!” Eggsy waved to his door. “Nice to have met you and all, go forth and see the world.”

“You summoned me, I am tethered to you and this house,” Merlin smiled. “I can’t actually leave until it is time.”

Bastard demon looked far too happy about that. “Uhhh, when is that?”

“Don’t know, we are a bit of an odd circumstance. My guess? Longest night of the year.”

“I’m stuck with you for almost seven weeks?” Eggsy shouted. “Nope, nope, nope. I am not having a demon here for seven weeks. Get your arse gone.”

“I can be gone when you are here,” Merlin explained, “but I cannot actually go anywhere. Funny thing. When Lucifer jumped to give us all freedom, when we all jumped, when we fought? Turns out we were just trading one set of rules for another. It was a trap.”

“I don’t understand. I don’t believe in god.”

“Fair. They are...they are what they are,” Merlin said.

Eggsy looked at him. “Wait, jumped? It’s always fell, innit? In that stupid poem. The telly show with the hot bloke, think they always say fell.”

“First choice we made, that free will you humans love and use poorly. Some below like to say fell. Myself and my missing friend. We jumped.”

“Maybe you could find your friend?” Eggsy suggested. He smiled at the way the demon lit up. He had picked an attractive, if older, human form. “Google demons?”

Merlin laughed. “Aye, I have some ideas on what he would choose as a human form, I’ll see what I can find. So you want me not here when you are, is that correct?”

“Yeah, and screw it. You can cook and clean the place too.”

“Can I?” Merlin tilted his head and in that moment all the charm was gone, and Eggsy was a little nervous.

“Yeah,” Eggsy tried to sound tough, hard when you knew the guy had claws that could gut you. “Squatter, you can help out.”

“Very well,” he said. “Enjoy your evening.” He went out the door and when Eggsy went to bed the demon, Merlin, hadn’t returned. For the next week, in fact, his house was spotless and the food was incredible and he never saw the demon.

It was actually starting to freak him out a little bit. He sat out in his garden and stared at the faint black burn marks on his patio table. He was never buying anything ever again that said Hasbro on it. He thought he heard a noise and turned. Merlin was in the kitchen window and looked startled that Eggsy was there in the dark. He gave a polite nod and was clearly getting ready to disappear again. Eggys hurried inside.

“Wait, I’ve been trying to talk to you.” Eggsy looked at him. “Will you stop?”

“You told me to be gone.”

“And now I’m asking you to stay,” Eggsy snapped. “Look it is weird you doing all this work for me, and never getting to say thank you.”

“Ye are welcome,” Merlin started to leave again and Eggsy groaned.

“Will you just fucking stay and eat the food you cooked for me, with me?” Eggsy pointed at a chair. “Sit. Eat. Take a shit in my bog later to enjoy modern plumbing.”

Merlin laughed. “I have noticed a very large difference between private and public lavatories.” He sat down and spooned up some curry. “I have to say, I have become a fan of Tikka.”

“It’s great,” Eggsy agreed and ate some as well. “What else you learning about the 21st Century?”

“You might actually bring about the end of the world and that is interesting. I dislike tracksuits unless you are actually running. And somebody at some point removed a great deal of notes from Shakespeare’s first folio. Oh, and I like KFC more than Mcdonalds.”

Eggsy thought of all his tracksuits in his wardrobe and thought of how they got clean. “So you hate a third of my wardrobe?” He waited for Merlin to backtrack.

“Yes, they are ugly and do your fine musculature no favours,” Merlin replied. “More naan?”

“No, thanks,” Eggsy said. “You know...people? We lie, we say oh I don’t mean you. You look great.”

“But you would know that is a lie,” Merlin looked puzzled. “So why say it?”

“To not be a dick?”

“I am a demon, Eggsy, dick would be the kindest a demon has ever been.” He shrugged, “I don’t lie.”

“Like ever?”

“Serves no function in my department. Utter honesty is more effective in fucking up a soul. Other demons lie, but not my department. No advantage, so we don’t do it.”

“What do you think of my shoes?”

“The oxfords for work are good, the trainers you parkour in practical, and the winged monstrosities don’t look like real wings and make your feet look too big for your body.”

“You were supposed to say, fine bruv.”

“Fine bruv,” Merlin repeated and smiled. “I like dinner conversation with you. It is interesting. More than the homeless man I sat with yesterday. He smelled like urine and is going to be dead tomorrow.”

And once again Eggsy was done eating. “Great talk,” Eggsy smiled at him. “See you said something weird, and I lied. That’s how it works.”

“Inefficient,” Merlin declared and gathered the dishes.

“Oh stop, you cooked, I can do the bloody dishes,” Eggsy complained.

“Very well, it will give me time to reach the next level.”

“Level?”

“Oh yes, I discovered your Play Station. I now understand the human concept of love. The Last of Us is a funny game.”

“Funny?” Eggsy had sobbed buckets and regularly screamed when he played the game.

“Humans various conceptions of zombies are adorable.”

“You are the worst housemate ever, and I once roomed with a bloke who bloody shouted my mum’s name when he wanked.”

“Michelle is an attractive woman,” Merlin said and Eggsy honestly saw red.

“How do you know my mother’s name?” Eggsy had Merlin up against the wall, his dinner knife at the man’s throat. For a moment he forgot it wouldn’t do much.

“She and your sister were dropping off some stuff you had left there.”

Eggsy pressed the knife in. “You spoke to my sister?”

“Briefly. She is charming.”

“You forget her existence right now. You never speak to her or my mum again. You do not corrupt their souls, you do not think of them, ever.”

“In the history of hell only a dozen or so children have ended up there. We don’t deal in them generally, they are learning, growing. That is not a soul worth harvesting. It is pulling bread out of the oven too soon.”

“How many children you tortured?”

“Two, and they were 10 and 13, and trust me they had it coming.” Merlin’s eyes went black for just a moment before returning to a human colour. “I am a professional, and there is no professional interest in a child who was proud that she sang the alphabet to I.”

“She can only go to F.”

“I taught her if you remember GH, you get to say a ghost is hiding in the alphabet and that “I” am going to hunt it down.”

Eggsy looked in his eyes and realized for how human he looked the eye colour shifted just a little, you had to be this close to notice the beautiful swirls.

Not beautiful, inhuman.

He moved back a little. “They aren’t for you.”

“I know that,” Merlin snapped. He left the house, slamming the door.

Eggsy collapsed to the table when he processed what he had done. Once his heart stopped racing he began to laugh, half humour, half hysteria. He had made a demon storm off in a strop. It was sort of funny. In a hellish, nightmarish way that seemed to be his life until the guy left at the winter solstice. He decided to go play some Fifa on his PS4 and was well into it still a couple hours later when Merlin came in. “Bored playing against the AI, pick up the controller,” Eggsy said. He wondered if Merlin would understand he was apologizing.

Because that was also his life now, sort of, kind of apologizing for hurting a demon’s feelings.

“I don’t understand how to play that one. No one dies.”

“I’ll show you,” Eggsy promised.

“Very well,” Merlin picked up the second controller.

************************************

He somehow sort of forgot that it wasn’t normal to room with a demon. Merlin was pretty quiet and slowly getting the hang of conversation. They probably had four meals a week together and Eggsy either heard about some soul that was going to hell he passed on the underground, or about some technological marvel. The first still creeped him out, the latter bored him. “Hey, how’s the search for your friend going?” Eggsy asked one night. Merlin was quiet and put down his fork. “That bad huh? I mean do you have anything?”

“I sketched what the last human form I saw him take was and uploaded it on my Macbook, but no one recognizes him on the missing person forums I posted it on.”

“One, my Macbook. Two, are you a good artist?”

Merlin got up and went to the other room and returned with the laptop. He opened the file and showed Eggsy the sketch.

“So...how open are we to constructive criticism?” Eggsy asked and tried not to make a face.

“I am well aware it is bad.”

“My boss, Harry? He has a fair hand at sketching. But he is in Italy this week, looking at fabric. Next week,” Eggsy promised.

“You like him.”

“He’s a good boss, considerate, kind.”

“You wish you liked him in a different way.”

“Merlin,” Eggsy sighed, “we agreed you’d stop poking at my soul, yeah?”

“Don’t need to, I am getting to be a fair hand at recognizing emotions.” Merlin sounded downright cheerful. “The big ones are easy, but the smaller ones are interesting. And that is wistful.”

“Wistful is a good word,” Eggsy said. “He’d be the sort of bloke that I’d generally go for, but he’s not for me. He is super crushing on a client, and I am trying to convince him it is okay to ask the man out.”

“You have such a good soul,” Merlin smiled at him. “It is almost too pretty to look at.”

“Then why do you stare at me so much?”

“Because you are beautiful inside and out,” Merlin replied. “I am not used to beautiful things.”

“Oi, are you flirting with me?” Eggsy did not know how to feel about that.

“It is a fact. Take it as you like.”

Eggsy remembers back to an early conversation. “You like blokes.”

“So do you and you have increased your porn watching of that one particular actor.”

“I said stop reading my mind.”

“I read your browser history.”

Eggsy just rolled his eyes. “You also mentioned wasn’t really your division. So like have you...you know?”

“Tripped the light fantastic?”

“You did not just call fucking ‘trip the light fantastic’, oh that is gross.”

“No gross is -”

“Nope, we are never sharing what a torture demon considers gross.”

“Man U,” Merlin supplied. “They are gross. I have decided I cheer for Arsenal.”

“They suck,” Eggsy said.

“I know, why I have decided to cheer for them. Especially because I used my Macbook -”

“My Macbook,” Eggsy threw a napkin at Merlin and it didn’t even make it near the demon.

“As I said, my Macbook, and I ran the numbers. A full 37% of Arsenal fans end up in hell. Most of any Premiership, by a good 12%. Have to root for the home team.”

Eggsy burst out laughing at that. “Oh that is just too fucking brilliant,” he said. “That is hilarious, Merlin.”

“You have a lovely laugh,” Merlin said and cleared their dishes with a smile and Eggsy forgot what they were actually talking about, still laughing about Arsenal.

*****************************

“Oi, Merlin, it’s cold out and I brought home pizza, get your arse in here,” Eggsy shouted out the back door. He put the pizza on the table and put out plates and grabbed them a couple beers. Merlin didn’t come in the house though. “Oi,” he shouted again, but Merlin was still just sitting at the table. “Bloody annoying demon,” Eggsy muttered. He wondered what upset the bastard now. Last week there had been a meltdown over the movie 2001: A Space Odyssey and how mean the people were to the nice computer. He tried to explain the computer was evil and it didn’t really stick. The less they said about the conversation that a 101 dalmation coat would be warm the better. The Disney movies Merlin watched with Daisy were very vetted and he was reminded that he wasn’t supposed to root for the villain around Daisy.

They had never said a thing about the fact that Merlin had been allowed to stay and hang out when Eggsy babysat the last few weeks.

“Merlin, I know you don’t feel the damp, but I do, so get in and eat some damn pizza.” Eggsy heard a yip and went all the way outside. A small dog tore out from under a bush and leapt at Eggsy. “Oh my days,” Eggsy crooned and picked the pub up. “Hello, are you lost?” It had a tag. “JB, hi buddy are you lost?”

“He is a Christmas gift for you,” Merlin said.

“Christmas still a few days away,” Eggsy replied. “Your gift is...delayed. Bloody amazon priority shipping lies.”

“I appreciate the thought though,” Merlin turned his head and smiled. “I’m just sorry, I never did find my friend.”

“Fuck, I forgot to ask Harry for help,” Eggsy groaned. Every time he had thought of it, the thought drifted away again.

“Maybe one day, he’ll return home.”

“You have plenty of time to find him,” Eggsy encouraged. He came over to the table and froze. Sitting on it was the ouija board. “You did have it.”

“No, it just appeared this morning. Near as I can figure, you summoned and the boss decided since I hadn’t taken vacation in 300 or so years, I should have a break. But it is time to go home.” Merlin was hugging the Macbook the way Eggsy was hugging JB.

“And you were thinking of taking my Macbook with you?”

“My Macbook was coming with me yes.” Merlin held the machine tighter. “I file all my paperwork on paper Eggsy, filled out with a quill where the ink is blood and despair. I am going to go without lasagna, let me have the Macbook.”

Eggsy put JB in the house and closed the door. He sat next to Merlin and looked at the board and candles. “You know, this whole experience ruined Hasbro for me, for life. Daisy asked to play Hungry Hippos and I almost passed out.”

“The game of LIFE is haunted generally, and the one with the dice in that little bubble is pure R&D invention, but the rest are fine.” Merlin snapped a finger and the candles lit. “I apologize for all the discomfort I caused you for the last several weeks. I’ll file the paperwork so that you forget about this.”

“On my Macbook,” Eggsy said.

Merlin looked pained but handed the machine back to Eggsy. “Not like I have a printer at work.” He looked at the board. “You need to open the door for me.”

“So I don’t, you are stuck here, right?”

“You summoned, you must dismiss.”

“Okay, yeah,” Eggsy leaned over and blew the candles out, picked up the board and winged it into the neighbour’s yard. “Whoops.” He cursed when the board came flying back and hit him in the head. “Oi,” he shouted and stomped on the ground. “I’m keeping him, yeah? No dismissing.”

“You know hell isn’t actually below us, right? It is a metaphor.”

“Just shut up for one second. How do I destroy this?” He looked at Merlin. “Oh you know what I meant. Don’t actually shut up, how do I keep you here?”

“Why do you want to keep me, you say I am weird, and say weird things and are annoyed that I don’t lie.”

“Still the best housemate ever,” Eggsy tried to rip the board and it wouldn’t. “Fucking Hasbro, why couldn’t this be as shit made as Candyland?” He didn’t want to light it on fire in case it opened the door to hell. Eggsy grinned. “Water.” He ran into the house and filled the sink and submerged it. The sticker on top slowly peeled off and the cardboard softened and he ripped it to bits. “Right, there we go.”

“Eggsy, what are you doing?” Merlin looked at the soggy pieces that Eggsy was now letting JB chew.

“I’m used to you,” Eggsy said. He shrugged. “You’re my friend. And you have a nice smile, and are weird and I just...not sick of you yet. No reason to kick you out. Have to go back to my own cooking. I’m rubbish at it.”

“You are. This body expelled your cooking as swiftly and painfully as it could.” Merlin paused. “I mean it was only mildly dreadful.”

Eggsy laughed and looked at the pieces of the board which were trying to reform. “Stop that, he’s staying, I need to beat him at Fifa. He got too good, needs to be taken down a peg.” The pieces stopped moving. “Right then. Pizza, and video games with my demon the way god intended.”

They looked at each other and Merlin laughed first.

“Oh shut up,” Eggsy said, “Or I’ll send you back to hell.”

“No you won’t, you like me,” Merlin gave him a happy smile.

“Whatever,” Eggsy said and took the pizza in front of the telly.

Maybe he liked his demon.

A little.

Fucking Hasbro, he needed to leave them a good review on amazon.

**Author's Note:**

> Coming Soon: The Continued Adventures of Demon Merlin. Will he and Eggsy fall in love? Will he find his missing demon friend? Why can't Eggsy seem to tell Harry about his housemate who needs help?


End file.
